Step 5: I Started Believing in Myself
4 min read
I have been going through the 10 steps I took to go from overweight, unhealthy and in pain to fit and powerlifting. I am on step 5. I started believing in myself. For those of you who have been interested in following the soap opera of my life, get ready for another good episode.
So, by now you know that I have four kids. What you may not know is that I gave up a blooming career as a lab scientist to become a stay at home mom. I’m published and was going places. Here is one of my papers. https://www.atsjournals.org/doi/abs/10.1164/rccm.2106029 But I always felt that if I had kids, I wanted to be home with them to raise them, and I am glad I was able to do that. What I didn’t realize was that I am a woman driven by success, and I was loosing myself.
SOOOOO, here is where it gets juicy. About four years ago I feel like I hit rock bottom. I had burnt out on PTA volunteer stuff, giving a home business a go, and spending so much time alone at home with no one to talk to but my baby. I knew Dora the Explorer waaaaay to well. I was falling into a depression and some really bad thoughts started going through my head. I wasn’t sure how or if I wanted to continue on the path I was on. But in all this, I was able to hide my troubled mindset from all my friends and family. I was feeling like a failure and cried by myself..a lot.
I had always gone to the local coffee shops, and I must have looked pretty pathetic because an acquaintance of mine picked up on my troubles and began talking to me. He is really good at helping people evaluated their problems and guide them in the direction of fixing things wrong in their lives. We became really good friends. He knew I had four kids, and he wanted them to have a happy mom.
Eventually I decided I wanted to start going to the gym. My new found friend had owned a gym and had been a trainer and decided to show me the ropes at our local community center. I squatted for the first time and was able to do a whopping quarter squat with only the bar….45 pounds! I was also only able to bench the bar. I was weak, but I wanted to be strong. My friend was a great trainer, and somehow we became workout partners. Somehow he was able to motivate me without making me feel bad. I remember how excited I was the first time I did 45s on squat (135 pounds). I thought I did amazing! Turns out I didn’t even go down that far!!! I couldn’t, my hips were still a mess! Here is a picture.
I eventually joined Liberty Gym, and worked hard. I got to watch some amazing people training there. I remember watching a group of powerlifters, amazed at their strength, That day I said “I will NEVER EVER powerlift”. I think I said that because I truly believed that I could never do something like that. My self esteem had gone out the window, and I was feeling pretty low. I was just a 40 year old mom, there was no way I could POWERLIFT!!
Over time I got stronger, and my workout partner told me I was pretty strong for a female. I laughed and rolled my eyes….I DID NOT believe him, not even a little. One day we went to watch a powerlifting meet. The women were lifting weight that I was lifting…..HOLD ON THERE, WHAT???? How could that be??? I was lifting as much as the girls competing??? So I looked up their records and low and behold I could definitely set some records!!! I had a rush of motivation, my heart was pounding and suddenly I felt like a superhero…wondermom that is!
So I researched some meets, ask around on where I should compete and found NASA (Natural Athlete Strength Association). I trained hard and went to my first meet and set state and national records! This after getting red lighted on my very first lift…my opening squat. I barely made depth on my other two tries. I also only made my first bench press, missing the next two. Even with that, I now hold 6 state records and 3 national records. Me, a 43 year old mom of 4….holds records for powerlifting. I never in a million years thought I could do something like that. But I did and here I am loving life and working towards something! I found something to motivate me, I believed I could set records, and I did!
It wasn’t easy to change my mindset and to start believing I could succeed again. But I did. I think we as women underestimate ourselves. You are never too old, too overweight, too weak. We are women, and we can do amazing things. We just have to believe that we can!
