From Earthquakes, Mountains Rise…Stories of Strong Women! Part 3

This is part 3 to a post that started when I came across this meme on facebook….let’s recap from the last post. Be sure to read part 1 and 2. This meme made me think about the darkness I have conquered, the earthquakes that have nearly destroyed me, but in the end they helped me build mountains that are lifting me up. Well, at least I try to feel that way, life is still tough at times. I came from being overweight, in chronic pain, finding out I had a potentially disabling genetic condition that I passed to my kids, and severely depressed to now being a national record holding powerlifter. I have written about much of my story in another post. Some day I will tell my full story of the pain I have endured, of nearly letting another person destroy me, how that person doesn’t think what they did was wrong, and still mocks me for my pain to this day…..someday…..but today I am not ready. Today you get to read the many stories of women who have conquered the earthquakes of life and have become strong, and even more amazing. These women have told me their stories and given me permission to share them. Women, we are amazing. We endure, we conquer, and we move forward, but we never forget. We never get over our pain, we just find a place to put it. And sometimes, we take those earthquakes of life and build beautiful mountains. Here they are, part 3! This is the final post….for now.

I got into powerlifting before my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer but once he was diagnosed last year lifting meant so much more.  When he was alive he was always so proud of my strength and accomplishments.  We moved my family back into my parents home October 2017 to help my dad throughout his treatment.  He died this past June and we helped my mom sell her home and moved out once again this October 2018.  Watching my dad die was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  Lifting became more absent and I realized I was falling into deep depression.  We are still living in a stressful situation with 2 other families and crammed into one tiny bedroom.  Powerlifting saved me from going crazy and helped me find my true friends.  I may not lift as often but when I do, I get lost in the moment.  I think about my dad every time I lift.  I know how badly he wanted to do a simple task like walk up and down the stairs on his own toward the end of his life.  I don’t take my ability to move for granted.  And for some reason, moving heavy shit just feels damn good ❤️.

__________

Powerlifting was a self imposed element of my treatment plan after being hospitalized for my second suicide attempt. I learned that exercise produced the serotonin that my body was having trouble making on its own. I knew I did not want to focus on aesthetics for fear of dredging up my disordered eating that I dealt with in my late teens and early 20’s. I was researching different pursuits that fit my personality and from there I found megsquats on YouTube. She emphasized how open powerlifting is to women in the sport and I saw that women of all shapes and sizes were participating. This seemed worlds away from the abuse and ridicule I associated with athletic pursuits up to that point, being a chunky asthmatic girl in grade school who was singled out and mocked by the gym teacher regularly. So I chose powerlifting. My mom had just become a NASM certified trainer, but wanted to practice on me, with my input. This was an accomplishment for her too and a leap of faith for me, because she was part of what caused my negative body image in years past. I am so proud of both of us because she worked with me so well and never once made me feel bad about my body size or abilities. I think for the first time she realized that my mental illness could take her daughter from her permanently and she was in a position to either hurt or help. I started with 2 days per week, but got addicted to progress and increased my frequency. I also never felt safer or more in control than I did in the gym, which made me want to come back as often as possible. As I got stronger, I realized I could handle anything, even if I wasn’t in my shitty toxic long term relationship anymore or using drugs as a crutch. During my journey I was finally strong and brave enough to leave my ex. I got a better job. I started to get active in boring, every day areas of responsibility which was a huge act of self care. Being personally accountable, paying my debts, taking ownership of my problems and finding solutions instead of sleeping and smoking weed about it.  I am so proud of my mental strength and personal development that were encouraged by my progress in this amazing and radically accepting sport. I wouldn’t even recognize the girl in the hospital who had swallowed a whole bottle of her prescribed amphetamine salts when weed just couldn’t stave off the pain anymore. I don’t want to be dead anymore. I’m a beast in the gym. I grow and progress in at least one tiny way each day. I’m married to an awesome man. I have a beautiful and sweet stepson. I couldn’t leave this behind and powerlifting gave me the self respect and focus to make it all possible.

__________

I have been trying to ‘leave’ this life on earth, by means of suicide or any other, since age 18. Every single day before age 18 I feared for my life and struggled to survive. Age 4 1/2 (the day my younger brother was born) to 10yrs I was physically abused , sexually exploited on a regular basis, forced to star in child porn which I used to call ‘pretty pictures’. Alcohol and cocaine forced since I was 5 yrs old, attempting to numb me so I wouldn’t cry, thus ruin the ‘pretty pictures’. I lay there most nights of my young childhood enduring all that pain, afraid I might be sick, often times suffocating under the weight due to the sheer difference in size, completely helpless and all alone. At age 10, I began to develop early, so then I was completely worthless, told that I was not pretty enough for pictures anymore. I then became the blame for everything, constant physical and verbal abuse. I truly believed that I was worthless up until very recently. I have struggled with addiction my entire adult life along with desperately wanting to die. Two women entered my life a few years ago, one at the end of 2015, made it her mission to be the first person who would not leave me. They both told me every day that they believed in me, and cared about me. Until now I had no idea what that meant, or the to have someone who cared. Their love and support was the beginning of a life. Finally I had some thing good, a reason to want to live. From there I have been able to slowly build a belief in myself. One of those women is a powerlifter, from the very first time she shared with me pictures on her phone, I knew that I needed to lift! I will be lifting in my very first meet January 13th 2019.

__________

I needed to get my life back after separating from my husband. I also wanted something that would help me combat anxiety and depression. I got that from CrossFit and yoga, but the confidence and resiliency that powerlifting has instilled in me is incomparable. I’ve met some of the most genuine, amazing, and supportive people because of this sport 💜.

__________

I was in a serious car accident. I broke my right knee and shattered my left upper arm. After a year of recovery and several surgeries I was still in constant pain and limited mobility. My daughter that had spinal fusion surgery just before my accident started lifting to aid her recovery and was kicking butt. So I found a really good coach and did the same. 14 months later I can bench press 60kg with my metal arm. And squat 112kg and deadlift 127.5kg with my metal plated knee!  Much better than barely able to walk like when I started.

__________

I was a chubby kid and was obese by the time I was 20. I had no real athletic ability despite trying out a few different sports and, worse, no confidence at all. I was introduced to lifting by a personal trainer I hired to help with some mobility issues. I started learning more about nutrition in order to improve my lifting performance. I lost a lot of fat and built muscle, and loved the discipline it required. I loved how I felt during and after lifting. I gained enough confidence to put more effort into other parts of my life – make new friends, speak up for myself, date more, try new experiences. It really improved my life. Even after injuring myself when lifting, I gained valuable insight about patience, and respecting the signals my body was sending when I lifted. My weight has fluctuated plus or minus 20 lbs over the past 2-3 years, but I’ve learned to care less about that because there is always some lift/workout that I’m better able to do when my weight moves one way or the other. It helps drive my focus away from the aesthetic and more driven to focus on ability.

__________

When I was young I had a doctor being a bit too liberal on the steroid use against my asthma, gained weight rapidly from there so I already had a shit start, can’t workout because nearly dead and it just spirals into the adult life. At the age of 24 my depression got so bad I stopped leaving the house for a year and topped at 130kg (20kg gain in that time), the moment I realized nothing, NOTHING fits me anymore I just had to find structure to my day, so the only thing I could come up with was what I already knew from years before- zumba. Eventually I got redirected magically to powerlifting, not too sure what really got me started apart from depression and the will for structure, so this worked out for me. Not saying this is the magical way to manage anxiety and depression but damn it worked for me!

__________

2014, I weighed in at almost 300 lbs and was diagnosed with anxiety/panic attacks. I had gone to the hospital for overdosing on drugs. I was never active. I actually dreaded the gym. However, I found myself on the verge of suicide or doing the last thing I could think of to turn my life around. In desperation I turned to the gym. I lost 124 lbs. It wasn’t until I signed up to be a personal trainer that I came across a strength coach during my internship that became my mentor and friend. He introduced me to lifting and I have not looked back since. I now have a 2 year old son, panic and anxiety attacks are at a minimal and I love getting stronger in all areas of my life. I now coach and show others how to do the same. It truly fires me up. 🙂

__________

My 3rd child, Daniel, has Cerebral Palsy.  I gained a lot of weight during pregnancy, my hospitalization (water broke at 22 weeks), his NICU stay, and my following Postpartum depression.   When he was about 10 months old, I was encouraging him to use his muscles. I saw myself in the mirror behind him. I was the biggest non pregnant weight I had ever been at 263lbs.  I felt like a hypocrite.  Here I was expecting him to do what I had not, when I don’t have any excuses.  So I decided that day to make changes.  I started with running and tracking calories. Then light lifting and macros.  I ended up getting pregnant again which set me back a couple years and I had to lose most of the weight again.  I started right away with lifting along with cardio and macros. I got into powerlifting when we moved after my separation. The gym I joined was powerlifting focused. I liked the idea of my goals being strength based vs my appearance. I look at my oldest son who is 6’3″ and I know that Daniel also has the potential to be a big man. I want to be strong enough to help him as long as he needs me. Until he can do things more for himself.

__________

I have PTSD from past abuse from men in my teens and I also have bipolar disorder. I started powerlifting a year and a half ago and it was completely cured my depression and anxieties. I’ve met some incredible people along the way who don’t judge me or my past.

__________

My story is just that I needed to lose weight for my son’s wedding, hired a trainer.  In the process he says ,”you are really strong.”   It went from there.